My little bug, love of my life, joy of my heart, miracle of miracles is now four years old. to the dr-20110219-0939IMG_6368

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I had to retype my password.  I had forgotten it! How about a picture or two of the little human who now controls two grown adults?

 

 

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And one of our beloved Golden Retriever, Toby, who we had to put to sleep three weeks ago. He is dearly missed.

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I’m still here and still alive. Everything is great, busy, stressful, fun etc.  I can’t believe it’s been since April when I last posted….and after that big declaration that I was really going to get into blogging again. Oops.  Spoke too soon I guess!  This will be short and the main purpose is just to have some activity so WordPress doesn’t think I am gone for good. I am paranoid about my blog disappearing. It’s the only record I have of a lot of stuff.  

I’ll be back at some point..probably in the winter when I spend more time inside!

Ativan, Prozac and something for high blood pressure.  I love my doctor. I finally sucked it up and decided to tell my doctor I needed something for anxiety. And I had this whole speech planned because I really felt like I had to convince her.  I practiced the speech over and over, editing as I went.  I was determined to not leave that doctor’s office without an RX for Xanax.  Everyone else can get it why can’t I?

Before I was even 10 words in my doctor interrupted me and said “you need drugs”. I was so relieved.  I said “Thaaaank you!”.  She also told me to start taking the Prozac again because I admitted I wasn’t good at staying in the habit. I am just not good at taking medications on a regular basis.  But now I have to. I actually thought about setting my alarm for 8pm every night to remind me.  The birth control pills I am taking to control the ovarian cysts have caused very high blood pressure.  I have never had high blood pressure before. But since the birth control pills help (alot!) my doctor put me on a low dose of medication to deal with the HBP.    Then she prescribed Ativan.  Tonight I took one because she wants me to see how I do on it before really needing it (I have to fly next month).  It’s been an hour since I took it and I am just waiting.  How am I supposed to feel?  What does it do?  I have heard so much about anti-anxiety medications but never actually taken any.  It is a low dose so we’ll see.  I used to be so against taking medications but what was I thinking?!

I start my new job on Monday!  Better hours, better pay and much better benefits.  It’s a relief.

Meanwhile, dh and I are loving what some idiot decided to call “The Terrible Twos”.  Who in God’s name coined that and why have we allowed it to stick?  I love the fights for independence and the way Sofie is realizing she is her own person.  Yes, it’s challenging. Yes, you practically need the patience of a saint. But what an amazing time of growth!  Sofie can’t physically take off and put on her clothes without a hell of a lot of effort. That effort takes a lot of time.  And while she’s doing it she has outbursts of sheer frustration. If we offer to help, which we do, she emphatically says “NO! Sofie do it. Sofie do it!”  But she’ll cry out of frustration.  We don’t get it. ASK FOR HELP ALREADY.  But we let her do it and she eventually does and then she looks at us, not with joy for having finally accomplished the task but more l like “See, I DID IT YOU AWFUL PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I NEEDED HELP”.     But I am loving this phase.  

From my office window I am only a few feet from one of several large ponds. There are lots of geese and often they will waddle past my window making their gawking noises. I love to watch them. On Monday I noticed one had a brood of chicks following her and realized her eggs must have hatched over the weekend. So cute! The little chicks were following their mama around and she was clearly being very protective. At one point they all wandered past my window and I just watched…feeling sillily happy for them all.
Then, this morning I noticed one, large, unhatched egg. It had been abandoned and is just there… I have become fixated with it. It looks so lonely. And lifeless. Solitary. Abandoned. I have gotten up and walked over to the window several times to just look at it. Nothing in nature is immune I guess.

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